Confidence Life Coach

Achieving Goals - Free Ebooklet

2011-08-21T18:34:00.000-04:00

Get Motivated! How to Shape Your Dreams, Set Goals & Achieve Success!

2011-08-17T10:53:00.000-04:00

New Ebook: Communicating Confidence Inside & Out - How to build confidence, be assertive and succeed!

2011-07-31T11:59:00.002-04:00

Hello!

I have just revised and released an interactive ebook that is designed to improve your confidence and communications. When you build your confidence, you build success. This e-course trains you to assess your current confidence, find out what's holding you back from achieving your personal and professional goals, and leads the way to confident, assertive communication. You will study excellent verbal and non-verbal communication techniques to help you finally be a confident communicator at work and in life!

You can preview the ebooks' first 11 pages as well by going here: CONFIDENCE EBOOK

Who knows? This self-study course may be just what you need to build confidence, and build success! (I hope so, and I welcome all feedback.) - Coach Ric

Toronto Man Follows HIs Dream to the UFC

2011-01-26T17:25:00.000-05:00

"The biggest thing is if you have a dream, then just chance it […] you don't need to give it up because you think you're too old. If you want to do something, then just go out and do it."

- Sean Pierson, Toronto-based UFC Fighter. Entered the esteemed UFC octagon December 11, 2010, at 34 years of age, and won his first UFC fight with conviction. He's back for more action April 30th, for UFC 129, held right here in Toronto. Good luck Sean!

Get Your Life On Track - with Real Goal-Setting Skills and More

2010-09-30T18:46:00.001-04:00

Hey check this out. Kevin Hogan is running a live event in Las Vegas - should be good. Life - The Source Code may be what you need to get your life back on track or just better organized and much more productive. Can't hurt to look...

Life - The Source Code

Crafting Your Future with Intention and Strictly by Design

Mandalay Bay/Luxor Hotel October 20, 21, 22 Wed/Thurs/Fri
8 AM (breakfast included!) - 6 PM daily
LIVE in Las Vegas
at the elegant Luxor Hotel

One Time Only!

Click the pic for more info...

People Who are Jealous are Unhappy and Insecure

2010-09-29T08:57:00.000-04:00

There is a debate among behavioural scientists about the origins of jealousy: Is it inherited or do we develop it? Psychologists E. Aronson and A. Pines believe it is the latter. They developed an extensive 200-item sexual-jealousy questionnaire that was administered to several hundred subjects. Aronson and Pines found that jealous persons reported more overall dissatisfaction with their lives that others did. In addition, they tended to have a lower level of education, greater feelings of inferiority, and an unflattering self-image.

(Source: The Big Book of Personality Tests by Salvatore V. Didato, Ph.D., page 40)

Building Confidence, Building Success

2010-08-31T01:06:00.001-04:00

In order to be a success in life you need confidence: that self-trust and self-assurance that guides you through your decisions. You can now remove the self-doubt and learn how to control negative thoughts that you have about yourself, and also deal with outside negativity. Nothing will ever hold you back again after you master your own self-esteem and raise your confidence levels!

Check out this ebook. Preview it for free. Buy it if you believe it will help you understand then build your personal and professional confidence.

http://www.lulu.com/product/ebook/building-confidence-building-success/3005200

Are You a Good or Bad Communicator?

2010-05-01T19:38:00.000-04:00

Get your Personal Communication Skills Assessment - print if off and fill it out - simple and free. Go to http://www.CommuniationCoach.ca and scroll down half-way. Sign up for my newsletter and get the Personal Communication Skills Assessment, plus Top 10 Ways to Communicate with Confidence!

Thank you!

Coach Ric

Want to be a Great Coach? Workshop in T.O.

2010-02-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

Are you ready to be a great Coach or Tutor?

Learn how to market and sell yourself on a limited budget, how to connect with different types of people, how to set up a personalized program including assessments, goals, quizzes, tests and referrals, and most importantly how to talk to people in a way that motivates them to work hard and achieve success.

3V Communications is presenting "Coach the Coach" training in Toronto, either in a fun weekend workshop or private, one-to-one coaching.
Ideal for new or inexperienced Life Coaches, Communication Coaches, Presentation Coaches, Business Coaches, Real Estate agents, ESL Tutors, Academic Tutors, and many other coaches, entrepreneurs, consultants and independent contractors.

Probable date for weekend workshop is March 27 & 28 2010. Price and location TBA.
If interested, please contact Ric Phillips:
Direct Line: 416.429.7935
Email: ric @ CommunicationCoach (.) ca
http://www.CommunicationCoach.ca

Please let me know what type of training you are interested in (if maybe attending workshop) and what your industry is.
Thank you!

Carrying Baggage? Let it go.

2010-02-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

We talk about people having baggage, meaning that they have unresolved anger or other negative feelings for something that now affects their current situation. Baggage is simply unhealthy. Have a read:

YOU PUT THE DEVIL OUT, BUT DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE HIS BAGS?

You got out of a bad relationship because it was bad, but you are still resentful and angry (you let the devil leave his bags)

You got out of financial debt, but you still can't control the desire to spend on frivolous things (you let the devil leave his bags)

You got out of a bad habit or addiction, but you still long to try it just one more time (you let the devil leave his bags)

You said, I forgive you, but you can't seem to forget and have peace with that person (you let the devil leave his bags)

You told your unequally yoked mate that it was over, but you still continue to call (you let the devil leave his bags)

You got out of that horribly oppressive job, but you are still trying to sabotage the company after you've left (you let the devil leave his bags)

You cut off the affair with that married man/woman, but you still lust after him/her (you let the devil leave his bags)

You broke off your relationship with that hurtful, abusive person, but you are suspicious and distrusting of every new person you meet (you let the devil leave his bags)

You decided to let go of the past hurts from growing up in an unstable environment, yet you believe you are unworthy of love from others and you refuse to get attached to anyone (you let the devil leave his bags)

When you put the devil out, please make sure he takes his bags!

HAPPINESS KEEPS YOU SWEET,
TRIALS KEEP YOU STRONG, AND
SORROWS KEEP YOU HUMAN,
FAILURES KEEP YOU HUMBLE,
SUCCESS KEEPS YOU GLOWING,
BUT ONLY GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

In The Remainder of 2010, Let the devil Take his bags with him!
Be Blessed, Healthy and Happy!

(Unknown author)

Become Healthy, Wealthy and Wise!

2010-01-31T23:42:00.000-05:00

http://www.marketerschoice.com/app/?Clk=3516753

Confidently Asking for a Raise in Salary

2010-01-09T09:45:00.000-05:00

Asking for a raise can be very uncomfortable, especially if you are a bit shy, new to the company or unsure of your value/worth. Let me give you some hints that have helped me along my career path, and even now during self-employment.

1 - know the industry standards. You have to know what a typical person in that role makes, so that you understand the value of the job. What is the fair market value?

2 - ask for more than you think you deserve. In other words, be confident in your negotiations and valuations.

3 - critically understand why you deserve a raise, or a high starting salary/wage. Think hard about what kind of great worker you are or will be, and convince yourself first that you are worth what you are asking for. Be prepared to verbalize it all, your soft skills and hard skills, with concrete, easy to understand (and remember) examples.

4 - When justifying your newly asked-for raise, do not explain why you need the money. Instead explain from the company's point of view all the benefits you have brought them, or how you have made life easier/more profitable for them. This is a simple rule of persuasion and negotiation - make it about THEM, not YOU. Also keep in mind the formula E + P = P. Efficiency + Productivity = Profitability. So therefore you must make it clear to the person who is considering hiring you (as an employee or as a consultant/contractor) or who has already hired you (i.e. your manager) how you have made the company money by being efficient and productive. This is a simple formula to remember that you should keep in the back of your head when answering interview questions.

I remember an ex-girlfriend of mine who was so efficient and productive at her company that they threw money at her to keep her, giving her the first raise in less than 3 months. When she had to quit they tried to throw more money at her to stay. When she really had to leave, the company had to hire 3 people to replace her! Talk about making yourself indispensable!

I can also tell you a story about my first office job. I found out the industry standard, and when it came time to answering the question of how much money I wanted, I 'overshot' confidently. (I had a good interview though as I was well prepared).
The manager said she couldn't start me off with that much, but gave me the highest starting salary allowed by the company, which was just a little less than what I had asked for. I was confident in my answer, but did not demand it, plus I backed it up with presumably good interview answers.

A couple months later the company hired a new girl for a similar position (customer service & collections) who was fully bilingual in French, which I was not. This is well known to be a competitive advantage. Do you know what? They started her off 3 grand a year LESS than me! Why? Because when the question came to her "what kind of salary do you expect?" she answered "well I'm just a new graduate, so whatever you can start me with is fine with me. I'm just happy to be working full-time." That may not be a direct quote but you get the idea. The company will save money if you let them!

Now, as a self-employed coach & trainer, I ask for what I feel my time is worth, and 99% of the time get it without argument. I know what I'm worth, what my material is worth, what the results of coaching/training is worth to the individual or company, etc. I confidently quote people a price and they accept - but I back it up too!

Anyway enough money-talk for now. The point is you must know your worth, be able to ask for it or more, and be able to justify it both verbally and with your actions.

Now go get your money!

Good luck in 2010!

Can You Laugh at Yourself?

2009-11-05T22:07:00.000-05:00

The most confident people are able to laugh.
They laugh under stress, they laugh at jokes, even if they are not particularly funny (out of respect for the joke-teller - as long as they are not disrespectful jokes), they laugh at themselves when things go wrong or when Murphy's Law takes over their life for a moment, and they laugh at insults.
Do your best at work and in life, but don't sweat the small stuff. And don't let anyone put you in a bad mood just because they can't control their own life, mood swings, anger issues, jealousy, workload...the list goes on. Help them if you can, but do not let others walk over you. No doormat here!

Laugh my friends. You don't need stress and anger inside you. I leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

"When the vultures start circling, the thought of how silly they look will put things in a truer perspective." - David Carradine

Positive Competitive Behaviour

2009-10-12T09:59:00.000-04:00

"There are two types of competitive behavior. One is a sense of competition because you want to be at the top. You create obstacles and harm someone. That competition is negative. But there is a positive kind of competition, which benefits the individual, the competitors, and the economy. Let your competitors also grow, without any sense of harming them."
-- Oct. 11 2009 -- Insight From the Dalai Lama

Follow me on Twitter!

2009-07-08T22:19:00.001-04:00

Find out what I think about all things communication, confidence and life in general. Twitter here: http://twitter.com/CommCoach

Thank you!

Coach Ric

Be Assertive without Being a Jerk! (Real Confidence)

2009-06-24T11:49:00.003-04:00

A part of being confident is not giving in to aggression - yours or anyones. We want to stand up for ourselves, but we don't want to be pushy, a bully, unreasonable or be perceived as a jerk. Click the title of this blog above to go to Kevin Hogan's homepage, where you can read this week's article of the same title. Excellent advice on being assertive without being aggressive.

Sample:

Do's and Don'ts of Assertive Behavior

Do:
Use Intelligent Communication
Exude Calm
Use Good Eye Contact
Be Aware of Body Language
Use a Confident Voice

Don't:
Make Unreasonable Demands
Be Hostile
Use a Haughty Voice or Manner
Belittle the Other Person
Put the Other Person on the Defensive
Build Your Confidence to Become more Assertive

In order to be assertive, you will need to develop confidence in yourself. It is easier if you try to take this one step at a time. Let's start off by just doing one small step and work from there.
Here is an example of a simple starting point for standing up for your rights ...

Interesting articles every week, like this one, from a true expert on communication, influence and persuasion.
Enjoy the article. Click on the title of this entry to view the rest of his article (on the side of the website).

Coach RIc

What is 'ConfidenceWorld'?

2009-04-30T18:01:00.001-04:00

A very famous Life Coach & Business Coach out of the U.K. named Sean McPheat, who was a very big influence on my coaching career when I first started out, has a new website simply called “ConfidenceWorld”. Here you can sign up (no charge) and gain access to 30 articles, newsletters, a 120-page ebook, reports, a 7-part e-course, 4 audio downloads and great tips on building and maintaining confidence in your personal and professional life. There is a lot that he gives away for fr*ee, and at the same time, like any successful entrepreneur, he also lets you know that he has a Gold Membership, if you are interested, for a small one-time payment of 39 bucks only. The Gold membership has a lot to offer for sure, but like any smart shopper you probably want to get the f*ree stuff first and take advantage of the wealth of inspiring and confidence-building information. I did! (That’s what I love about Sean – he is a giver!)

To give you an idea of his writing and content style, I put a sample article from the Confidence World no-cost program on my other blog, (http://www.communication-coach.blogspot.com ) Look for the title “So, what are the qualities of a good speaker?” You can see that he is straight forward, clear and motivating – three good reasons why I have benefited immensely from his help over the years in developing my coaching style and practice, not to mention my ebooks. Thanks Sean!

Okay, right now, ask yourself how confident you are on a scale of 1-10, and if the answer is lower than an 8.5, you can benefit from this world of confidence that Sean provides. Check it out and enjoy his excellent articles, ecourse and so much more. Just CLICK HERE. (Note: if this is not highlighted for you, you can use my direct link to get to Confidence World http://www.confidenceworld.com/?hop=3vcoach ).

If you need me for confidence and/or communication skills building, just let me know!

Until next time,

Ric the Coach

Links to Help Confidence

2009-04-07T21:50:00.003-04:00

Hello,

I have revised the tab on the right side of this blog to include a few new links to help you improve your confidence, especially from home (inbox too!). Scroll down a bit and on your right you will see:

Helpful Links for Improvement

* Confidence Coaching - Toronto
* Join ConfidenceWorld
* Building Confidence Ebook
* My Ebooks and Reports

I hope you find these resources useful. Thank you!
Ric

When NOT to fight

2009-04-01T20:48:00.004-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I was out with a friend for a couple of beers, and on the way home decided to go to the local liquor store and pick up some supplies. It wasn't that late, but as I came out of the store I was confronted by a person; a beggar, panhandler, bum, scam-man, etc. whatever you want to call him. (Forgive me if I sound unsympathetic - actually I donate annually to help the homeless. But what I don't do is give money to a person who wants to buy drugs or alcohol with my hard-earned money instead of much-needed food.)
Anyway he was polite and I was polite and I told him I have no spare change (what really is 'spare change' in today's world, really? Is there such a thing?) He followed me up to the corner and began cat-calling a couple young ladies and getting in their face. I tried to ignore him but unfortunately it was not possible. A few seconds later, while we were waiting for the light to change, he was bothering the girls and so I said something to distract his attention. He turns on me and rambles incoherently something about '14 years' and 'kung fu' and then proceeds to 'kick' me in the tummy! It barely made contact with my thick winter jacket, and it was slow and clumsy, due to his impairment. I had a bag over my shoulder and a heavy bag of new booze in my right hand and so I simply told him (in a stern way but with a smile) "Don't kick me! Or else I'll kick you back and you won't like that!"
My smile let him know that I was non-aggressive but my tone and eye-contact let him know that I was not a push-over or a punching bag. At first he was a bit stunned, but then backed off. The light changed and I headed towards the subway. He followed and apparently not finished yet he called at me saying "I'm right behind you ya know!" so I stopped, took my left hand out of my jacket (I'm left-handed) and stepped up to him with a smile and said "yes I know..." and we talked. Once again it was incoherent ( I suspect drugs) but still I let him know that I was not his enemy and that I was just walking towards the subway, and that we were 'just talking' with no malice. He seemed to accept that and we shook hands (funny how a few minutes ago he sort of kicked me!) and walked to the station. He went off to harass others and I went home with a smile on my face.

Summary: I was not angry, upset nor had any type of adrenaline rush. I was happy that no violence had occurred, even though some might say I had a right to 'defend myself' or put him in his place. I certainly had witnesses to the fact that he struck first. But I didn't. Why?

I have studied martial arts for 20 years, including real stuff like Muay Thai, boxing, wrestling (re: MMA), and I know I can handle myself. I have no desire to hurt anyone. I have confidence to talk to people, even if they are aggressive or assaultive, and I do not have a knee-jerk reaction to strike back. For that I am thankful. I know I can handle myself if I have to, even though I'm not in shape like I used to be, but I also know that good posture, a stern but pleasant voice and solid eye contact can diffuse most conflicts before they get out of hand, or even started. Also, we have to have a sense of humour in life, right? If not that then at least a sense of empathy or sympathy.

What can you take away from my story? To practice not over-reacting, and to work on your 'stern voice but smiling face' presentation when faced with aggression. There are really very few true times when you absolutely NEED to fight, verbally or physically.

Thank you for reading,

That's my story.

Know Your Worth Before You Start Selling Yourself

2009-03-08T22:19:00.000-04:00

How many of you are looking for a job or interviewing candidates for positions? How many of you are attempting to influence and persuade others on a daily basis? Life is full of negotiations and opportunities to sell yourself. The question to ask yourself is am I good at it?

These are days of economic uncertainty and therefore prudence and restraint. We all still want to spend and hire and invest, but we are unsure due to the daily barrage of information we get from the media telling us how bad it is out there, and that it could get worse.

I do not suggest focusing on any negatives. Be realistic up to the point that you are still being positive. Do not cross over into pessimism! It will not help.

Whether you are going to a job interview, meeting a potential new client, mixing with someone on a first date or any other similar situation, it is vital to know...

(Read the rest of this great article on my website by clicking the above title. Also, you can sign up for the 3VC Newsletter to get these articles delivered directly in your inbox.)

How Do We Build Confidence?

2009-02-19T16:57:00.003-05:00

This is no simple question. Our confidence is greatly affected by our memories, values, previous decisions and environment. I always tell people that competence is the flip-side of confidence. When you get good at (doing) something, your confidence rises. And likewise when you get more confident at something, you perform better, which raises your competence at that task. So it is like the old riddle - "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" The answer is it doesn't matter, as long as you have both a chicken and an egg, as they are interlinked and there could not be one without the other. So it is with confidence and competence.

Lesson for today: Build your competence in your targeted task, job or hobby in small steps to gain more self-trust and positive feedback from others, so that your confidence rises up a few notches. That will in turn show on your face and in your voice and body language, starting off a very positive ripple-effect. After a while of small successes you can look back at your journey and see the great accomplishments, and feel the stronger confidence gained from your personal goal-achievements.

Now go climb a small mountain! (figuratively, of course!)

GROW Yourself in 2009

2009-02-01T09:38:00.000-05:00

Are You A Confident Leader?

2008-11-10T22:06:00.001-05:00

This is Larina Case, an expert on confidence. She has written a book called "The Confident Speaker" which I have and use, and now she has a new book out, called "The Confident Leader". Here are some questions that Larina answered in a recent interview:

1 - What if we come across as too confident?

2 - What are 3 simple things we can do to build our confidence?

3 - Can we build confidence from career achievement?

4 - How come being effective doesn't cut it in today's economy?

If you would like Larina's answers to the above questions, please visit my original blog and read the latest post. Here is the link:
http://www.communication-coach.blogspot.com

I hope you enjoy it!

2008-10-28T16:12:00.000-04:00

Hello those of you in Toronto/GTA:

This is the last week that we are taking registrations for the upcoming Nov. 8th effective communication skills workshop, downtown Toronto.

You will learn:

How to Communicate with confidence
The art of small talk and winning first impressions
conflict management
assertiveness in communications

Downtown Courtyard by Marriott Hotel, Yonge/College.
Free lunch, free 1-hr. coaching session too.

Register now for a 20% discount.

http://www.CommunicationCoach.ca

Any Qs, just contact and ask Ric.
Thanks.

Communication Mosaic ebook - Yours!

2008-10-13T14:24:00.000-04:00

Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canucks, and hello to everyone else.
Today I am pleased to let you know that the ebook "Communication Mosaic 2006-07" is now available as a free download, to anyone. It is a collection of articles, tips and newsletters from the earlier years. Subjects include accent, public speaking, body language, confidence, professional communications, press releases etc. Enjoy.

Find it here: http://www.lulu.com/content/1831255

Communicating Confidently in Business - Workshop

2008-09-29T23:13:00.000-04:00

3V Communications Presents
An effective communication skills full-day interactive workshop:
Communicating Confidently in Business

Learn to Communicate with Charisma and Confidence to build your Career Success!

November 8th, 2008 - Downtown Toronto Hotel

• Are you unsure if you are being heard and respected at work?
• Do you feel a little insecure or shy sometimes, and feel it is holding you back?
• Do you have difficulty handling stressful situations, arguments or workplace conflict? Do you have trouble saying no?
• Having trouble standing out but still fitting in?
• Are people not listening to you and your ideas, and do you wonder how you can change that?

After this course you will raise both your personal and professional communication skills to the top 10% of the world – and that is where you will find the most successful people in business and in life. Confident communicators are given more responsibility at work, are given promotions and raises more often, and become great business leaders. When you can communicate clearly and confidently, but still do it in a friendly, non-offensive way, you are headed for upper management or other leadership roles.

By the end of Saturday you will be able to:
Understand the importance of first impression management, and create a winning first impression that leaves others wanting to know more about you

Generate small talk easily – so you can enjoy stress-free conversations while you network, turn strangers into friends and build strong teams at work

Increase personal charisma and confidence - real leadership qualities vital in today’s competitive markets

Speak clearly with confident language, tonality and gestures

Use the fundamentals of sales psychology to persuade and influence others, and find out how to implement Aristotle’s 3 keys to persuasion while speaking in public

Manage conflict in a less-stressful way, so you can disagree and say no without offending others or getting into arguments

Be assertive without being aggressive, because nobody respects a bully!

SUMMARY & BONUSES:
you get a full day (9-5) of interactive and dynamic communication training - essential soft skills for today's world of business

Catered Lunch and two Coffee breaks

Certificate of Completion - showing that you care about your personal and professional development, and have taken steps towards gaining excellent communications and building confidence for success

One Complimentary coaching session to get your personal communications assessed after the workshop is completed

$100 voucher, good towards any one-to-one coaching program or future workshop

Referral program - Do you have a friend or co-worker who would be interested in attending? You are eligible to receive a $50.00 thank you for everyone you send us who signs up and completes the workshop. Our way of thanking you for recommending us to new people

Early-bird special price - regular price is $299 for the day (plus g.s.t.), but we are currently offering an early-bird special price (see website) until October 6th.

Discounted room rate - if interested in staying at the Courtyard by Marriott downtown hotel please contact Ric directly to arrange it

By now, I trust you can see the benefits of developing the knowledge and skills to communicate confidently in business - so what are you waiting for?

To register, click here now. Or if this is not highlighted, just follow this link:
http://www.communicationcoach.ca/pb/wp_a4623824.html?0.9709723454620556
Location: This event will be held at Courtyard by Marriott Downtown Hotel, 475 Yonge Street (@ College St.). For a Google map location, click on the address above on my website, http://www.CommunicationCoach.ca

I look forward to meeting you and taking you to the next level of confident communications. Any questions please do not hesitate to call or email me:

Your coach and trainer,
Ric Phillips

What Workshop Topic Most Interests You?

2008-09-07T21:45:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone!

I hope you are keeping well and are not feeling any sort of ‘Monday blues’. I think I am fortunate as an entrepreneur and consultant in that I never feel any particular strain on Mondays. To me, Monday is just as good as Friday! (Are some of you hating me now? Sorry, I will keep it to myself then!)

Well the summer seems to be over and everyone is back to work and back to school. Holidays seem to be over as well and people are re-focused on their personal and professional development. Therefore it is time for me to set up a couple of public workshops before the cold Canadian winter comes. I wonder if you would like to help me choose the next topic?

I have just set up a poll on my website, under the tab that reads “Next Public Workshop”. There is a 2-second survey that is simply one question: “Which workshops would you be most interested in attending?” If you have 2 seconds right now, I would really appreciate knowing what workshop(s) you would like to see run in Toronto in the next few months.

Even if you do not live in Toronto, but you have an opinion on what topic you think you would enjoy in a workshop, please still take the poll and let me know. I am by no means limited to running workshops and seminars in Toronto. As a matter of fact I enjoy visiting new places to work! (Imagine that, getting paid to travel and do something you love….hmm…life of a coach eh? Yes it can be quite rewarding at times!)

Okay, enough of me and my chosen lifestyle. Let me hear from you. Here is the direct link to my website where you will find the poll.

http://www.communicationcoach.ca/pb/wp_a4623824.html?0.1247426423766621

If you cannot decide on just one topic, that is fine. You can simply vote again!

Thank you all very, very much for your interest and support. I will be sending out a regular newsletter next time with great communication advice. As always if you have any questions or comments please feel free to get in touch with me.

All the best and – oh yes – Happy Monday!

Ric Phillips

Refocusing After Setbacks

2008-09-05T16:11:00.000-04:00

How many times have you started a diet, a new way of thinking, or tried something new and then a setback occurs and you just go back to the way you were?

Don’t worry, you are not the only one!

Setbacks and difficulties occur all of the time – they are a natural activity of life.

There are two ways of facing difficulties.

You either change or alter the difficulty or you can alter yourself to be able to deal with it.

Deal with difficulties correctly and it will enhance your confidence, deal with them incorrectly and they can do some serious damage to your self worth.

Your response to issues and difficulties

When you are faced with any setback your ability to deal with it can be turned around into a position of strength by asking yourself positive empowering questions.

There is an unwritten rule that says:

Ask your mind a stupid question and you will get a stupid answer!

So, if after setback you ask yourself something like:

“Why does this always happen to me, I never have any luck?”

Your mind will probably come out with:

“Because you are useless and good things do not happen to you!”

Sound familiar?

Instead, if you ask yourself a positive empowering question like:

“What did I learn from this setback for next time?”

Your mind will kick into solution mode and help.

Here are some rules and things to think about when setbacks do occur:

• Acknowledge that it has happened. Don’t hide from it. These things happen. So what?

• What positive empowering questions can you ask yourself?
What is good about this situation?
How can I make the most of this situation?
What can I learn from it?
What are the facts about this problem?
How can we make it a successful outcome?

• Acknowledge that setbacks occur to everyone and you are not being singled out.

• View them as a challenge to overcome rather than an issue or problem

Think about the negative dis-empowering thoughts that you think of on a regular basis after a setback. Not too helpful, right?

Now, what new empowering questions could you ask yourself to get some better answers?

Write these down now and make them a habit. Re-program your brain!

Your confidence diary

2008-08-24T11:10:00.001-04:00

A great way to boost your confidence is to keep a confidence diary.

It is a smart tool to just remind yourself just how good you really are and what you have to be thankful for and pleased about in your life right now.

Either buy yourself a notebook or a day to view diary and once a week for the next month I’d like you to jot down your answers to the following confidence questions.

Don’t give me any excuses about you haven’t got the time to do it!

Take just 10 minutes per week, sit down and jot down your thoughts to:

1. What have I got to be grateful for in my life right now?

2. What am I happy about in my life right now?

3. Why am I happy about these things?

4. What did I accomplish last week?

5. What am I excited about in my life right now?

6. Who do I love and appreciate in my life? Who do I like hanging around? Why?

7. Who loves and appreciates me for what I am?

Answer these questions at the start of each week and it will set you up for success.

If you need a booster midweek, then by all means answer them again whenever you want to feel centred and remind yourself of what you have got going for yourself in your life right now.

Don't Hold Onto Anger

2008-08-05T23:13:00.000-04:00

Recently a friend of mine told me this story. She came home from work and saw 2 young teenage girls chatting at the front of the building, one holding the building door open as she chatted. My friend simply walked through the open door and proceeded to the elevator. One of the ‘young ladies’ called her the dreaded ‘B’ word and even gave her the finger as the elevator doors closed, much to the surprise and confusion of my friend.

This stuff happens all the time. We could blame poor communication skills, poor upbringing of the young offender, mis-communication etc. The fact is we do not know why the girl said what she said and gestured rudely. For all we know in her head she was justified. Maybe she thought it was rude for someone to briskly walk through her conversation. Maybe there was an accidental touch of a bag or purse, unbeknownst to my friend. Or maybe she was just having a bad day and over-reacted. We may never know. So guess what I told my friend? LET IT GO.

Let it go. Be the adult. We cannot control other people’s actions, right? All we can do is control our own actions, and in this case, REACTIONS. Why would you let someone ruin your day?

We all would feel shocked and betrayed at that sudden flip-off, for sure. But what can we do now? Shall we confront the villain? Ok, get in an argument or fight. Who wins? No one wins a fight (unless it is a sport-fight). You exchange words, shouts, curses, even blows. What if there are injuries? A broken cell phone? A ripped favourite shirt? A cut that leaves a scar? Or worse! And what do you tell the police when they show up? That you were angry at someone’s word and gesture so you started a fight? Hmm….

I do believe in standing up for yourself and your loved ones. My message today is to simply choose your battles, and don’t waste your time on idiot behaviour – yours or theirs. Do not let someone else’s negativity ruin your day. Chin up, walk proud and LET IT GO. A confident person has no need to defend his/her ego over something like this.

Confidence Coaching and Certification

2008-07-21T23:11:00.001-04:00

Hello all,

Just a quick note to apologize for not writing more - I am restructuring the coaching business a little and I have been a bit busy. Next post I will put up an article on confidence for now - a quick advertisement:

1 - SOON I will be putting up a separate page on my website to advertise confidence-building coaching program. This will allow you to clearly see what the program entails and decide if it is for you or not.

2 - I will also be offering a CERTIFICATION COURSE in the next few months for those coaches and counsellors out there that wish to have their own Confidence Coaching program to serve others or to sell to others. This course will be affordable, reliable and ready-to-use with materials.
Anyone interested in this Confidence Coaching Certification Course and cannot wait should contact me NOW so that I know you are waiting and I will get it to you ASAP.

Thanks and talk to you soon!

Confidence is Competence!

2008-06-16T21:20:00.001-04:00

They are twins. They are the flip side of a coin. As you build up your belief in yourself to do something you gain the nerve to do it. Once you do it or attempt to do it you start to notice what you are doing right, that it wasn't as bad as you had imagined it, and that maybe next time will be better.

As you feel more competent at the activity you start to believe more in your ability to improve and maybe even get good at it. This gives you more confidence, even if it is mostly visualization at the beginning. So I could go on with this email but I think you can see my point. The confidence leads to taking more chances and doing things better, so that increases competence, and the increased competence increases your confidence. It will radiate out of you.

Dale Carnegie said it best: Do the thing that you are afraid of. That is the one sure way of conquering your fear! (He was talking about public speaking, but it can be related to many things).

Until next time!

Body Confidence: How to Like What You See in the Mirror

2008-05-28T10:53:00.000-04:00

From childhood we are sold on an ideal image of beauty, one few of us ever see reflected when we look in the mirror.

This article will show you how you can look in the mirror and despite the ideal, see only a beautiful you.

When you look in the mirror, what’s the first thing you notice, and how does it make you feel?

If you’re like most people, the first thing that catches your eye is probably your least favorite asset. If so, don’t worry you’re not alone. Here’s why.

Can you guess how much money is spent in just one year by advertisers to sell us on the concept of the “ideal” image of beauty?

Well, I can’t either but I do know this—it’s a lot of money, certainly somewhere in the billions of dollars!

So, technically, you can consider yourself brainwashed.

From your earliest childhood days—whether you played with He-Man or Barbie—you’ve been receiving constant, consistent images telling you what beauty is supposed to look like.

Never mind that these images are for the most part, anatomically impossible!

And, would you really want to look like Fabio anyway? Or Pam Anderson? Honestly?

I’m guessing probably not.

So, here’s how you can build your confidence with the body God gave you:

1. Look in the mirror

2. This time, really look at yourself.

Reflect on the compliments you have received.

Do people tell you how great your hair is?

How beautiful your eyes are?

That you have a nice smile? Try to see what they see.

3. Stand far enough away from the mirror so that you can take it all in. What do you see? Find at least three positive things.

4. Now, get up close.

Really close.

Look at your eyes—the irises.

What colour are they?

Are they all one colour or are there flecks of various colours?

How would you describe them using positive analogies or adjectives?

5. Now, smile. What does your smile convey? Warmth? Happiness?

6. Find at least three characteristics you like best about yourself, and then accentuate them as you dress to go out.

§ If you love your eyes, make sure your hair doesn’t cover them up

§ Love your lips? Make sure to keep them soft and moisturized

§ Your hair? Get a flattering cut and condition it regularly to keep it shiny and healthy

In short, amplify what you like, and don’t worry about the parts you don’t.

Here are some ways to do just that:

§ Go shopping and bring a good friend. Ask them to help you pick out colours and clothes they think flatter you. Don’t worry if your first reaction is “that’s not me!” Experiment!

§ Feel better about whatever it is you don’t like about yourself by picturing the absolute worst-case scenario. Exaggerate whatever it is you’re hung up on and blow it up in you mind until it’s comical. Then look in the mirror—not so bad anymore is it?

Accept yourself for who you are, how you look, and focus on what really matters—the things about you that can’t be seen—your heart, mind and soul!

§ What do you want people to praise you for? Is it really how you look? Probably not. You probably want people to think you’re funny, smart, nice, or generous—something along those lines right?

§ Make a list of your positive personal qualities and characteristics. Then ask yourself, what’s more important? Get involved in activities that build on your personal characteristics—volunteer, join a club, take a class to sharpen a talent. These will help you emphasize and focus more on the more important qualities that get you through life successfully and with more fun.

Live life, love fully and laugh often!

My Small Biz Story on Blog

2008-05-13T18:41:00.001-04:00

BizLaunch is a company dedicated to training and helping entrepreneurs. They have posted this little interview about me, my company, and on being an entrepreneur, and what advice I have for other small business owners.

To view this blog posting please click here:

http://bizlaunchcanada.blogspot.com/

Thanks,
Ric

Confidence-Sappers!

2008-05-09T09:27:00.000-04:00

The people who you have the most contact with and hang around will have either a positive or negative affect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

We all know those people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around.

How do they make you feel?

Yes, they make you feel the same! They can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with positive, can-do vibes that has a ripple-effect on everyone else.

We also know of those people who could make great “Wendy Whiners”.

They never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like others to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers - need I go on? They are like crabs in a bucket – pulling down anyone reaching for the top.

These people drain your energy and bring you down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

The interesting thing is, many of these confidence-sappers are not malicious. Many times they do not realize that they are so negative, and that they are annoying you. Some feel they are realists, but we tend to think they are clearly pessimists.

You have to ask yourself a big question – what happens to my level of confidence and optimism when I am inundated with their rainy cloud or critical attitude?

It will more than likely wear you down, and worse yet, you may even adopt their language, gestures and view. This scares me!

So what should you do to make sure that the people who you hang around with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

1 - You have the power to choose who you hang around with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people. Make sure they outweigh any party-poopers.

2 - If you have good friends who are negative and yet you still want to hang around them, make a point of letting them know how you feel – if they are a true friend they will respect you for this. If they are negative from time to time just acknowledge that this is what they are like and block out the negativity. Some may appreciate you letting them know that they complain too much or the like.

3 - The same can be said with family. Your more mature family members have behaviours that have been conditioned for years and years and from different eras. Appreciate where they have come from and as in number 2 above, elicit and select the information that filters through to your brain.

4 - Remember, that nothing has meaning in life except the meaning that you give it. Filter everything around you, and choose carefully what you wish to believe.

I feel so strongly about this issue of preserving your self-confidence that I run a unique coaching course on confidence-building. The focus is on building and then communicating your confidence – inside and out – so you will walk, talk, act and dress for confident success!

If interested let me know.

All the best,

Ric

Confident Verbal Communications

2008-05-06T11:49:00.000-04:00

Here is a sample of what was taught at a previous communication workshop to help our participants communicate their confidence. Enjoy.

Even though only 7% of our communication is verbal, which is our word choice, phrases and expressions used etc. we still need to acknowledge the impact of what we say on others.

A confident person knows when he or she is good at something, and trusts themselves at all times. They know that the words we say affect our belief system. Not cocky, not meek, a confident person simply states the truth.

Now you finish these sentences with confidence!

I am…

I will…

I trust that…

I can…

I’m able to…

Yes, that’s correct. I am…

I trust you. You can do it. I know because…

We also sometimes use ‘softeners’ when we want to be more diplomatic, professional, non-aggressive and non-offensive. A confident person never wants to offend anyone, and is not easily offended either. They always take the higher ground. They are expert managers of conflict. They are excellent listeners and have developed their empathy levels. They have no need to assert their strength to put others down. They can defend themselves politely, yet firmly. They do not argue. They discuss.

Some example softeners are below.

Would you mind…?

Could you please…?

Could I ask…?

Is it possible to…?

I’m wondering if…?

How do you feel about…?

I’m curious to know…

Sometimes changing a small phrase in your sentence or question will make all the difference between being a confident communicator or a wishy-washy or even offensive speaker. Remember that the next time someone tries to bully you.

All the best,

Are You on a Confidence Tightrope?

2008-05-02T16:30:00.000-04:00

Do you know how confident you should act in your presentations?

Robert Herjavec (one of the angel investors from the TV show "Dragons' Den") was recently asked this question: "What's the most common fundraising flaw you see in entrepreneurs?"
His answer: "Overconfidence, bordering on arrogance. Or lack of confidence, bordering on insecurity."

As a Confidence Coach and a believer in the power of confident communications, I know how hard it is to walk this tightrope. You don't want to fall right? So what should we do? Well the answer for communication is the same answer for the real situation - KEEP YOUR BALANCE.

You must be confident in your presentations. If you are trying to convince others to believe in you or follow you, you must give them a reason and a feeling to do so. That is right, both logical and emotional reasons must be there. You need to be passionate about what you are saying (or selling) and you need to have hard facts and figures to back up your beliefs.

A confident presenter is challenged less than an unsure or meek one, even on Dragon’s Den. When a confident person handles the first challenging question successfully, smoothly and convincingly, there is less desire to challenge again and again.

To be confident you must believe in what you are saying, have data to back it up and be comfortable talking about it to others. Confidence comes from competence, and vice versa. Make sure you prepare well.

Keeping your balance means that you must be confident to succeed, especially in North America, and you must balance that with logical reasons so that it is not just your opinion.

For example:

“I think you should buy my soft drink machine because I think it is the best value for money and I get a lot of revenue from it” could be transformed into:

“To get the best value for your money and a three to one return on investment, choose our soft drink machine. 2007 statistics show that there is a growing increase in soft drink machine use when a variety of drinks are offered, and I strongly believe this is the way forward for our company. “

In this example we do not start out with our opinion. We start out with compelling facts and numbers that the logical brain can absorb. Then passion is displayed. It sounds more confident, doesn’t it?

Increase Confidence in Communications!

2008-04-29T08:29:00.000-04:00

Effective Communication Skills Training Course:
Learn the Art of Excellent Communications for Business or Pleasure!

Communicate with more confidence and clarity. Increase personal and professional development. Take home a certificate!

Toronto Sheraton Hotel - June 7^th and 8^th

Day one focuses on advanced interpersonal skills, e.g. small talk, first impression management, NLP, building rapport, body language etc.

Day two focuses on professional communications, e.g. telephone and email etiquette, running great meetings, public speaking and presentations etc.

SUMMARY:

You get 2 days of fantastic, interactive and dynamic communication training for business and pleasure

You get loads of materials and books to take home

You get 20% off regular room rates at Sheraton Hotel, should you choose to stay there

You get a beautiful Certificate of Completion showing that you care about your personal and professional development, and have taken steps towards gaining excellent communications

You get a complimentary coaching session to get your personal communications assessed

What are you waiting for?

For more info and/or to register please visit http://www.CommunicationCoach.ca and take advantage of our current ‘early bird’ special rate – Must register before April 30^th!

I look forward to meeting you and taking you to the next level of confident communications. Any questions please do not hesitate to ask.

Introductions

2008-04-25T01:12:00.001-04:00

Allow me to introduce myself. I am a certified Coach who specializes in Communications and Confidence. I have found that the two go hand-in-hand, and that the more confident you become, the better communicator you become, and vise versa.

I have a website and blog set up for communication coaching and training (see links to the right) but this blog will focus on the issue of what is confidence and how do we get it!

My goal is to increase your confident levels, whether that is by you reading my blog posts, ebooks, and reports, or by doing interactive exercises like confidence evaluators, or by hiring me to help you achieve your confidence goals. Whatever works for you!

Also please note that anyone interested in becoming a Certified Confidence Coach should please contact me directly to discuss the training course.

All the best to you and your confidence!

Ric